PAINFUL HELP

Ramin Entry #10

My friend has just mentioned how painful it was reading Entry #5. I proceeded to revisit to understand what he meant, and in an instant I felt something imminent approaching. Uncontrollable tears bloomed and as quick as it did releasing an army of agonizing pain, deep profound sadness, and slicing, piercing, stabbing, ripping, stinging sorrow…eating away deep in my soul. Left me feeling like a tiny speck of lonely dust, insignificant, hopeless, empty, and powerless.

What have become of me? My mind wondered endlessly through the dark void that is my soul. A gentle soft voice whispered… ”I am here with you, my child”. All I could fathom to do was scream with all of my heart’s might, “God I can’t take this anymore…I offer all of this suffering to Your hands, use it.” My heart touched and filled with God’s love…thankfulness and gratefulness overflowed… peace followed.

“How can I help?” my friend asked. A gesture of grace, empathy, and compassion, inviting warmth and joy to my soul.

I don’t know how anyone is able to help specifically… prayers definitely help… being there to listen helps… positivity helps… swimming alongside in my treacherous water helps… throwing a life jacket helps… shading me from the scorching sun helps. Most of all, if through peeping into a glimpse of my mind ignites a tiny kindling spark of hope, awareness, and healing to anyone, I feel my purpose of this awareness endeavor fulfilled, and I rejoice in the goodness of the power of the Holy Spirit for allowing my life to be a blessing for others.

How serious you may ask am I in journeying through this process? This is like someone drowning exasperated for the last breath in a vast ocean of nothingness, hands flinging, legs kicking, screaming only to release a spasmodic breath that forces water into the lungs, head bobbing up and down only to catch a glimmer of the horizon ever so slightly, so close to grasp yet so far, it’s futile to even make an attempt.

This is life or death for me.

Awareness is key, for it is one of the most powerful and grounding tools we can equip ourselves with. It helps us be more self-aware as we develop more humility, compassion, empathy, and love for ourselves and others. Please be kind to yourself and others. God bless