STATE OF ALLOWANCE
Ramin Entry #18
People around me question everything about me and my healing process. I feel scrutinized under a giant microscope and I’m suffocating. This is a daunting challenge to embrace and blossom into my new changed self. Not having the time and opportunity to plant a deep anchor of my new beliefs and foundation sways me in an unpredictable wave of dizzying uncertainty.
Concerns of labeling myself as an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) has become a constant recurring question, with arguments bordering to the notion of endangering and imprisoning myself into a box of limitations.
As an HSP, I see myself as much as people with Down Syndrome or Autism see themselves. They are out of the ordinary so society labels them to be abnormal and thus as outcast. They are in fact normal in their contextual world, with only predisposed innate limitations and conditions that can be learnt and adjusted in order to “fit in” into this “normal” world we have created and accustomed to. With acceptance, they are able to learn better self-care to thrive on their gifts and contribute to this beautiful world.
In the same way, accepting HSP is a very welcoming identity and label for me. It grounds me in a foundational anchor, which my emotional wellbeing can call home to rest and settle down my tornado mind. A home where I can safely relax to bask in this new-found comfort and start learning and taking better self-care to thrive on my gifts. Forbidding me to be labeled as an HSP is like forbidding someone who has just discovered water and wants to learn how to swim. By labeling water is dangerous, one would never have been able to have the faith and courage to swim.
What does it mean for me to be labeled as an HSP?
It allows me to be free and let go of emotional burdens. It allows me to reconnect to my Self. It allows me to identify with my Self. I belonged. I can breathe. I can let go of pain.
What does pain mean to me?…
I would be asleep on autopilot without pain.
Pain is the catalyst of change.
Pain exposes hollowness, emptiness, and darkness.
Pain gives me motivation to be better.
Pain gives me determination and energy to keep searching.
Pain stops me from being complacent.
Pain stops me from being humdrum.
Pain keeps me humble
Pain depletes me of ego.
Pain allows me access to the subconscious.
Pain allows me to see and perceive things from different perspectives.
Pain allows me to scrutinize myself.
Pain allows me to be self-aware.
Pain allows me to expose self-lies and self-deceits.
Pain allows me to say “enough is enough”.
Pain allows and forces me to reconnect to Self.
Pain allows me to transform.
Pain allows me to connect to others.
Pain opens the door to a state of allowance…
Allowing Self:
To be
To breathe
To be grounded
To see
To be seen
To feel
To exist
To live
To enjoy life
To discover potentials
To hear
To be heard
To taste
To love
To be loved
To have a presence
To be humble
To have a voice
To voice out
To have footing
To have dreams
To be real
To be authentic
To be flexible
To be grateful
To be forgiving
To more easily let go
To acknowledge
To be acknowledged
To recognize
To be recognized
To appreciate
To be appreciated
To respect
To be respected
To be important
To be taken seriously
To like
To be liked
To care
To be cared for
To be restored
To heal
To resonate
To flourish
To step out of the dark
To bathe in the sunshine
To be beautiful
To blossom
To fulfill
To be contended
To unmask
To rid of pretenses
To rid of lies and deceits
To feel beautiful
To feel profound
To feel peaceful
To be free of judgements
To be free of anger
To be free of hatred
To be free of condemnation
I’m now much more aware of everything…of every little thought…of every little feeling…of every little emotion. It almost feels like my life is in slow motion. I observe everything and I notice everything about myself like a microscope, my own microscope, and I can’t seem to switch it off.
I was fearful; now I am more courageous.
I was wearing masks and facades; now I am truthful moving towards authenticity.
I was afraid to get hurt; not I face it heads on.
I was afraid of hurting other people’s feelings; now I speak my truth.
I couldn’t tell of an impending abuse, now I’m able to recognize it.
I was afraid of getting abused; now I speak my mind.
I took everything personally; now I can better manage to let go.
I was emotional, now I’m more balanced.I
used to let my guard down, now I am more fully aware.
Now I don’t let people hurt me, abuse me, belittle me, gaslight me…Now I fight back.
This journal chronicles my trauma-healing process and progress. You may jump directly from the beginning by searching “Ramin Entry #1” if you’re interested to read in sequence in its entirety. The freshest post will always be at the very top.
Awareness is key, for it is one of the most powerful and grounding tools we can equip ourselves with. It helps us be more self-aware as we develop more humility, compassion, empathy, and love for ourselves and others. Please be kind to yourself and others. God bless
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